for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
