I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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