alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
