P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
