I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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