I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I touched a dick in church today
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
