Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
