drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
