So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
