So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
