I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
