My hand turned me down
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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