Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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