Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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