You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
