So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
