Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
