"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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