$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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