She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
