are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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