im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
