Don't you send me to vm
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
