Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
