I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
