i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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