I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
