There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
