I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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