no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
