You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Hippo gnu deer
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
