he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
