I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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