i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
