I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
