Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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