He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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