I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
