its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
