I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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