am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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