Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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