We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
