Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
