Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You are the jesus of drinking
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
