The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
