i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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