I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
