I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
