I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
