hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
