I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
