Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
