Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
