At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
